I'm having a bit of a crisis.....

I'm bored.



Not "I'm bored right this minute" or "I'm bored because there is nothing on TV except for Forrest Gump on TBS". I mean that I'm in a rut.



That about sums up what I'm feeling right now. The scary thing about this is that I, admittedly, lead a very full life. And if I were to describe my day today, y'all would think I was crazy. (I was given the RainMan treatment at THEHotel at Mandalay Bay in Vegas today....Limo from the airport, manager greeting me at the door, and walking me to my suite. Amenity in the room, the works) But...the truth is that I am bored. Actually.....I am now thinking that bored is the wrong word.



O.K. This might be fruitful for me. I am going to share the thoughts that are going through my head right now, and the world out there can help me figure out the "word" if you will, for how I am feeling. I am not really expecting a response to this, because I don't think anyone really reads this blog, but I guess you never know. So, here I go......no holds barred. I fully expect this to make me sound strange. Lets hope we are in a no judgement world......



Even though it takes me to exciting places and I mostly enjoy it, I think I am too old to still be doing this job, and relating more to people 8-10 years younger than me then to the older folks who I work with.



I always thought I was meant for something bigger than living in my grandmothers old house. Even if it is a cool house. However, every time I have tried to look for another place, I freak out and end up swearing I am going to live in this house until I die.



I want to be remembered for something, but I can't seem to figure out what it is.



If I am so concerned about leaving a legacy, why am I so against the idea of being a mother?



On that subject, is my hatred of the idea of parenthood a self fulfilling prophecy? Does it have anything to do with my medical history?




Why do I miss my dog so much when I travel? I miss the dog more than any person. It just seems really strange to me that I would be so attached to my stupid dog.




Why is my love life always feast or famine? Earlier this year, I was dating 2 people at the same time. It was awesome (Actually, now I think it was awesome. At the time, it was a little stressy for me. Although I did enjoy having a lot of things planned to do.) In one week's time, both were OTP. Outta the picture. Now the extent of my lovelife is following the dramas of the boys of GossipGirl. Sad, but true.




Could this lack of a boyfriend, or even a crush right now, be part of my belief that my life is unfulfilled? I have never been a person who based their life outlook on other people. And, honestly, I don't think that is the problem now.





I am on the invite list or email mailing list of just about every charity, social group, and "young friends" association that there is in St. Louis. Also, one of my closest friends invites me to every restaurant opening party, bar opening party, and major celebrity social event that St. Louis has to offer. I know I am out of town for most of them, but still....I could possibly have an event every night of the week. I know I don't always have people to go with to these things with, but then again, I have never been a person who had a problem doing stuff by myself. As long as I knew at least one other person going. Why, with all these oppurtunities to be social, do I still feel like I don't have things to do?




O.K. So I just reread this blog. Putting aside the fact that my mind works in bizarre ways, I have gotten way off topic and have gone from trying to figure out why I am bored to overanalizing the decisions in my life. Oh well. Clearly I have issues. Let's just leave it at that....Know what I am going to do now?......go to the sports book and put $20 on Missouri football to win the National Championship. There's a move that doesn't need to be examined. Go Tigers!

Peace out Gs!